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A humble Algerian

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#1
wad

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Here's a poem I wrote...

A humble Algerian


A message to all, if you wouldn't mind:
I'm a man and here's why I came,
Careless to the dangers I may find,
Backed up by faith; courage is my middle name.
I'm firm,wise and also kind
And helping others is my eternal aim,
Based on a treaty that I volunteerly signed,
Bywhich I seek neither thanks,nor fame.
I stand up to shrewds, no matter if lined,
Knowledge in hands,aiming them the tame.
Easterners or westerners;I don't care if combined
Since I've never been beatten in a battle or in a game.
You'd say I'm exaggerating:"you've something to hide".
You'd say :"it's nonesense, pretty lame,
And between reality and fantasy, you've joined"
I permit you to speak,since for me, it's all the same.

Impatiently waiting for your feedbacks.
  • writersfreedom likes this

#2
Fatony

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Dear Wady, very good effort. It flows well.

I want to give a little note though, there is nothing in the poem that indicates you're Algerian. If any other person reads it, he would think you are speaking as a muslim.

you can throw in sentences like: backed by courage from my ancestors of 54

Try to relate the poem to your country/history/pride etc..

salam
There are people with experience and people with opinions. Listen to one, smile at the other.
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#3
wad

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Hello,

I appreciate your comment Fatony and I think you're right. There's much more Islamic spirits to it, than Algerian ones. I'll try to fix it as soon as possible... thanks a lot smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />

#4
writersfreedom

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:salaam:

I Love it Posted Image

Good job Posted Image

I dnt see a problem @ more Islamic , since Islam is our culture and way of living , being Muslims is an important part of our identity and who we are!

And it does not in any way overshadow being Algerians , well done and Keep it up!

Impatiently waiting for your next Topics Insha'Allah.


What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, insepa­rable from me. For me, prison is a place of (religious) retreat; ex­ecution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel ......

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#5
Snow White Queen

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i think i just luv it,sounds good ,makes a lot of sense so thumbs up :thumbup:

#6
Apocalypse

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very good and clever use of the rhyme, sometimes the title adds the finishing touch to the poem, in your case it identifies it well,

very good


#7
wad

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Hello

Thanks a lot mates! your comments do me nothing but pushing me forward to write and contribute as much as possible. I'll try to work on my mistakes the next time nchallah.