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Marrying Bint Liblad (algerian) or another....

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#1
ibi

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Salamu Alaikum ma people
I hope I'm posting this discussion in the right place; you see guys i had this discussion with a group about 2 days ago....

the discussion was basically about marriage....

it all started with the sentence; Leaving outside the country.... and the context was about:
You see there are Algerians living outside or lived outside the country for quite sometime; when the time comes for them to build a family, and find the gurl they want to spend their lives with; it can be a little, how to say this!, troublesome?.... How? ..... This was the subject of conflict...

First opinion: Some might say Algerian gurls are the better choice, especially that they are from the same place/country and they are adapted to life in Algeria and above all they might have the right mentality interms of religion and tradition( I might not have put this right) , so that would give them a huge plus; cause at the end of the day one would want to settle in home/Algeria.
But this might not be fulfilled due to the fact that the person does not know much Algerians around him/her or that the ones around him/her are not what he is hoping for....

Second Opinion: Some might tell you y limit your self to certain category; whom ever you think is good for you take it; whether s/he was Algerian or not....but some might go like, non-Algerians would think twice wen it comes to living in Algeria; and or their traditions may not go along with the Algerians....

this inshort is the context; so what are your thoughts on this?

looking forwards to hear your opinions ^^
PEACE

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#2
- Mohammed

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I totally understand where you are coming from with this and i think it is an issue which every person raised outside Algeria will face and have to think about. In my opinion...

As a Muslim your not supposed to have contact with the opposite gender. So when it comes to thinking about marriage your not going to know someone well enough to say 'thats the person i want to be with'.

So you are going to have to make your decision of marriage partner on qualities such as deen, family, education and whatever else may be important to you.

The thing is, there are most likely Muslims with the good qualities that you like in the country that you currently live in (and they are not Algerian.).

But there are also Muslims with the good qualities you like, and they are Algerian.

So in my opinion it would be better to go with the Algerian since they understand the culture, language, would more likely settle in Algeria or at least like to visit and in my opinion there would generally be less problems in the future, particularly when children are involved.

Ofcourse the problem is if you live outside Algeria, your less likely to find such people. But i dont think that should be a huge problem. You can always go to Algeria and if you have family there they can help in finding somebody suitable. I think the role of the parents is also critical, since they only want the best for their children and do have experience in this matter.
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#3
wise-man001

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Algerians all the waaay! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qZx3XJDSUM
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#4
Fatony

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Moahmmed said pretty much exactly what I wanted to say. Don't worry even about getting somebody from Algeria, you will find that they adjust very quickly and also learn the language.
Personally, I am looking at somebody from backhome. I find those girls more homely. Oh yeh also cause of recession, weddings there are cheaper ;)
There are people with experience and people with opinions. Listen to one, smile at the other.
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#5
writersfreedom

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:salaam:


Yup, I agree with Muhammed, and Nice Topic by the way and in the right section too :D



Awesome video W001 :D


As for weddings being cheaper here in Algeria. What are you talking about? lol

Weddings have never been This expensive before!! You really need to visit more
often Fato :P


I also think marrying an Algerian guy would be better, I didn't think this way before but now I see that an Algerian would be for the best. Plus Dad says No right away to non-Algerian guys, he would never agree or allow me to marry someone whose not Algerian lol.




~~~ Peace out ~~~


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#6
Omeymaa

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I think an Algerian would be fine, you'll understand each other better, and being Algerian for God knows how old you are you've gained experience in readingAlgerian's faces, find out whats going on, I understand there are international signs, but people within the same culture understand each other better.

In addition sometimes, if you see something as normal,another culture sees it as downright rude, and vice versa. And this goes to your IL's and blah blah blah, hence you'll have more problems with them I think since things are different…

Haha, I laughed when writing this but hey if someone like me who hates grello and anything that's longer than 5cm and flies/crawls, you can call your husband anytime to get rid of it while you're standing on top of the chair lol, whereas is some other culture he'll think you're a nutter. See where I'm getting at?

Preserving your culture and traditions also comes in, you make sure your kids know about Algeria etc, whereas if an Algerian girl is married to a non-Algerian guy, sure he'll teach his kids his culture and focuses/concentrates on it more.
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#7
Fatony

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@wf - Go dad! Plus who will take u from other nationalities. Walking liability u are. Ur husband will need to get insurance with the marriage contract in case he crashes mentally!
Only joking wf ;) ur the BOMB. any iraqi would love to have u

#8
Fatony

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if an Algerian girl ismarried to a non-Algerian guy, sure hell teach his kids his culture andfocuses/concentrates on it more.

U dumped the idea to get a palestinian?

#9
Lilia

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Oh yeh also cause of recession, weddings there are cheaper


Weddings have never been This expensive before!! You really need to visit moreoften Fato



I bet he's talking 3omla sa3ba :D
for us, weddings are getting more expensive day after day.. people are considering it like some sort of contest. ( La Salle taliya raha dir 70 000 DA!) And the thing is that the more prices are going up the higher the rate of divorce is getting too (probably because they don't follow Allah's rule: tabdiir, haram of mixing man &woman, loud music till dawn,etc)


P.S Don't you think we're talking a lot about marriage lately :P
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#10
english wife

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As I've mentioned before, I have been married twice; the first husband was English like me, and the second (current) husband Algerian. Leaving aside their personal qualities, I have found that being married to someone from a different country and culture is in many ways a lot more challenging that marriage to a fellow countryman...The scope for misunderstanding is enormous,not just in language terms but in how you each perceive things. When your spouse has grown up in the same way as you there are certain things you both agree on without even thinking about it.With a foreign spouse you can upset each other without even knowing it !
A small but silly example..newly-wed, my dh had never seen my hair which is brown with quite a bit of grey in it. I was 39; grey hair didn't worry me. Anyhow, new hubby has seen his sisters henna their hair and quite innocently suggests I do the same..silly or not,I was terribly upset because I thought he didn't like my hair ...such a stupid incident nearly caused world war 3!
More seriously,you can run into issues when you have children..we have a daughter and Baba has stong views about how she will be brought up which sometimes conflict with mine.As we live in uk there are times when he and I have different expectations.and also he has to deal with my non-muslim family and two grown-up step-children.
Intercutural marriages can be good but you have to communicate with each other very well because you can't assume your spouse thinks the way you do about anything.

Interestingly I asked my husband about who he wants Lilia to marry when she grows up and he said '100% Algerian'! :D
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#11
writersfreedom

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:salaam:


@wf - Go dad! Plus who will take u from other nationalities. Walking liability u are. Ur husband will need to get insurance with the marriage contract in case he crashes mentally! Only joking wf ;) ur the BOMB. any iraqi would love to have u



Hahahaha! That was Hilarious, made me laugh so hard and even showed it to Mum who also laughed :lol:




~~~ Peace out ~~~



#12
writersfreedom

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:salaam:

Just wanted to share with you guys The story of Tata Sa3idda, we knew her in Kuwait and we used to spend weekends and holidays with her and her Family, sometimes they come to our house and sometimes we go to theirs, she had two sons Khalid and Adel. Her husband was from Kuwait and she was Algerian. Her sons were my best friends, we grew up Together. Khalid was 2 years older than me and Adel was one year older than me, we used to play video games together, race and practice martial arts but they would beat me every time in Karate but I would win in video games lol. :D We were really close and used to watch Vampire movies together, I always wanted brothers and they were the brothers I never had [at the time, now Hamdulillah I have two awesome brothers Masha'Allah]. Their parents met in Canada, they were both studying there but his Family gave her H-ll cuz she was not from Kuwait and for years she had to suffer their cruel treatment and their hate but her husband loved her so that should be enough right? No not really .... When we were in Qatar her and her husband had a fight and she was alone in another country and his family of course made it worse so he divorced her and took away her sons then kicked her out of the country, she hasn't seen Khalid or Adel in 10 years now. She was left with Nothing and is now in Algeria alone without her kids and can't see them.



One of the people we knew in Qatar was tata Souhilla who was also Algerian and was married to a Qatari. Her husband was a very rich man but he was already married when they met and his First wife is from Qatar like him, he met his 2nd wife the Algerian during Hajj and she came from a big family in Algeria, 7 girls and no brothers or uncles and her parents were old and poor so she agreed to marry him but he was very nice to her and kind to her family as well. But his family in Qatar did not approve and his kids from his first wife sued him and took away all his money and everything he owned. So he had to restart after losing everything he worked for.



Many Algerian women used to come to my Father for help after their non-Algerian husbands would throw them out in the streets and take away their kids, I remember I went to visit my Dad in his work one day and saw this woman leaving his office and she was crying, so I asked about her. He said she's Algerian married to a Qatari and he divorced her and took away her daughter and told her that if she wants to see her ever again then she has to stay in Qatar. So she was working as a maid here and there trying to earn enough money to pay the rent so she can see her daughter. She would come to my Dad's office once every month and take some money to buy food, water and be able to pay the rent and raise her daughter. And she wasn't the only one. Few days ago I told Dad that one of my friends got engaged to a Qatari and is moving soon, he got really mad and told me to tell her ''Listen, this is an advice from a father to his daughter ... gheir ikhteek ya bintti , don't move to another country and be alone there with no support with a man from a different country and his family!'' .


My first best friend in Kuwait was Bashayer, her and I grew up Together and were best friends for 7 years, we used to have sleepovers and we were like sisters, in fact everyone thought we were cousins cuz we looked alike and spent a lot of time together. So we told them that they were right and we are cousins lol. Man I Loved her so much we made plans and everything ... we were going to marry brothers and buy two houses next to each other and then my son was going to marry her daughter :D Her Mother was American and her Father was from Kuwait. Her mother was a Doctor. One day and after 25 years of marriage her father said to her mother that he wants to marry one of his cousins, who by the way was 16 years old. She refused of course so he divorced her right away, he didn't even try to talk about it. He then sued her for custody but guess what? he only wanted the boys, he didn't give a crap about my friend and her sisters, he just wanted her twin brothers. But her Mother fought hard and won but lost the money she had saved to pay for the lawyer and court. He used to come visit the boys and take them out and buy them toys but didn't even ask about my friend and her sisters or talked to them, I remember she used to come to school crying the next day, I hated what he did to her. But now that they're divorced her Mum couldn't stay in Kuwait any longer and her dad blocked her job at the Hospital and he was going to sue again to take her sons away from her so one day she took her kids and left, went back to America and I never saw my friend again. :(




So yeah, An Algerian would be better .... am not saying Algerian guys are perfect but at least you'd have your family and not be alone in his country with no support. There are many Algerian men who also lost their kids to wives from other countries and cant get them back. I'm not saying everyone is the same or that those kinda marriages don't work but I would not risk it to be Honest. And my Father would Never allow me to.




~~~ Peace out ~~~



#13
Fatony

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My uncle is married to an English woman - convert and has 2 beautiful children with her. The marriage was perfect and everything was rosey for 8 years. One day he came back from work, all he found was two boxes, the house was all empty. He rang the police and though his wife and children were kidnapped only later to find out that she left him with no excuse at all. The guy was very heart broken even though he is a very religious person. We have advised him to go back home and get a good Algerian wife, maybe it can ease the pain a little.

I never understood how one day you can just wake up and you fall out of love with a partner you've shared your life with for 8 years and have kids together.

#14
Fatony

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When we were in Qatar her and her husband had a fight and she was alone in another country and his family of course made it worse so he divorced her and took away her sons then kicked her out of the country, she hasn't seen Khalid or Adel in 10 years now. She was left with Nothing and is now in Algeria alone without her kids and can't see them.


Unbelievable. Very sad indeed. Allah yahdeeh and let her see her children again. She needs to get the Algerian Authority to contact the Qatari one to resolve this. No mother should bear this pain.

#15
Omeymaa

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U dumped the idea to get a palestinian?



Yes.




#16
ibi

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I totally understand where you are coming from with this and i think it is an issue which every person raised outside Algeria will face and have to think about. In my opinion...

So in my opinion it would be better to go with the Algerian since they understand the culture, language, would more likely settle in Algeria or at least like to visit and in my opinion there would generally be less problems in the future, particularly when children are involved.

Ofcourse the problem is if you live outside Algeria, your less likely to find such people. But i dont think that should be a huge problem. You can always go to Algeria and if you have family there they can help in finding somebody suitable. I think the role of the parents is also critical, since they only want the best for their children and do have experience in this matter.


Thumbs up MA thumbs up...

I think so too, I mean the same background is great player on this; and it is really great to see almost all with the same opinion.
As my conversation took a place, most of those who were in the group (all of them) were not Algerians, and their thoughts were of to not limit yourself to certain category; sometimes one witnesses a nice person it need not waiting for someone from back home....but I think it would be worth the wait IA....

About going back to Algeria, sometimes wen one goes back it is for a summer vacation or a short period of time; such a matter needs dedication in time i guess....

thankx for the thoughts mohamed ^^

#17
ibi

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Algerians all the waaay! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qZx3XJDSUM


:D respect the classics ^^

@ 1:54 طبخهم مزيان

#18
ibi

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Moahmmed said pretty much exactly what I wanted to say. Don't worry even about getting somebody from Algeria, you will find that they adjust very quickly and also learn the language.
Personally, I am looking at somebody from backhome. I find those girls more homely. Oh yeh also cause of recession, weddings there are cheaper ;)

:lol:
Very well fatony, wise choice there....we should make a society titled (Nidiha bint liblad); you guys Allahyibark in UAE are good in number, ever thought of making a pik frm there? or you hoping for a one living in blad (hope it is not too personal..... if it is drop it ya ;) )

#19
ibi

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I think an Algerian would be fine, you'll understand each other better, and being Algerian for God knows how old you are you've gained experience in readingAlgerian's faces, find out whats going on, I understand there are international signs, but people within the same culture understand each other better.

Preserving your culture and traditions also comes in, you make sure your kids know about Algeria etc, whereas if an Algerian girl is married to a non-Algerian guy, sure he'll teach his kids his culture and focuses/concentrates on it more.


Like the part were it would be handy wen it comes to sign/face interpretations...lol nice one and very true.....

and the part about the non-algerian would teach his kids the cultures and so on; I witnessed a story of some Algerian lady married this guys (he was sheea) I think you guys can think of the rest....

@wf - Go dad! Plus who will take u from other nationalities. Walking liability u are. Ur husband will need to get insurance with the marriage contract in case he crashes mentally!
Only joking wf ;) ur the BOMB. any iraqi would love to have u


:lol:

this rings a bell for a movie I saw called "Green Zone" it is a must see....just great.....


U dumped the idea to get a palestinian?


Fatony, on 23 November 2010 - 09:08 AM, said:
U dumped the idea to get a palestinian?



Yes.


What made you want that in the first place; I see them around me; rabi yihdihom bark (not all of course)




I bet he's talking 3omla sa3ba :D
for us, weddings are getting more expensive day after day.. people are considering it like some sort of contest. ( La Salle taliya raha dir 70 000 DA!) And the thing is that the more prices are going up the higher the rate of divorce is getting too (probably because they don't follow Allah's rule: tabdiir, haram of mixing man &woman, loud music till dawn,etc)


P.S Don't you think we're talking a lot about marriage lately :P


Were I live now; one of the main things you may notice here; is the high -mahr- expensive weddings and so on and so forth; it even got extreme locals are looking for other nationalities; gurls here (not all of course) are like competing seriously and now they are suffering; I know many people here who are married to non locals; the worst part is when those people advice others to do the same.....families brought that to them selves rabi yihdi makhlak....a friend of mine went to this gurl, she accepted him and all; and wen they came to talk about the -mahr- the father was like we want ***** for her mahr
The guy: can't u reduce a little, I'm just starting my life it is not like I have a bank or something;
The father: ok make it *****- 100 = *****
The guy : are you serious?
The father: why how much do you want?
The guy : ***** is too much, unless I get a loan from a bank; and I don't want to start my life with loans
The father: My daughter is worth it don't u think?
The guy: SA of course but this much is impossible for me especially that we want to live after that
The father: ok *****-100 no more reduction
The guy: You sound like I'm bargaining for a cow uncle; Mom Dad let us leave....
The father: leave don't ever come bak...
The guy: salamu aliakum

#20
ibi

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As I've mentioned before, I have been married twice; the first husband was English like me, and the second (current) husband Algerian. Leaving aside their personal qualities, I have found that being married to someone from a different country and culture is in many ways a lot more challenging that marriage to a fellow countryman...The scope for misunderstanding is enormous,not just in language terms but in how you each perceive things. When your spouse has grown up in the same way as you there are certain things you both agree on without even thinking about it.With a foreign spouse you can upset each other without even knowing it !
A small but silly example..newly-wed, my dh had never seen my hair which is brown with quite a bit of grey in it. I was 39; grey hair didn't worry me. Anyhow, new hubby has seen his sisters henna their hair and quite innocently suggests I do the same..silly or not,I was terribly upset because I thought he didn't like my hair ...such a stupid incident nearly caused world war 3!
More seriously,you can run into issues when you have children..we have a daughter and Baba has stong views about how she will be brought up which sometimes conflict with mine.As we live in uk there are times when he and I have different expectations.and also he has to deal with my non-muslim family and two grown-up step-children.
Intercutural marriages can be good but you have to communicate with each other very well because you can't assume your spouse thinks the way you do about anything.

Interestingly I asked my husband about who he wants Lilia to marry when she grows up and he said '100% Algerian'! :D


you know better, I mean you live it so I can't say anything other than listen and consider; it makes perfect sense wat u said; (this may not make much sense) A friend of mine is a muslim but her family are non-muslim; a guy proposed to her but the funny part was that the guys family did no accept <_<; I know this is not totally related to wat u said, but I'm just saying it for the sake of pinpointing to that there is always this gap...IA things would go great with you guys; I hope u all the best IA.

I believe lilia is your daughter right? all the best IA

My uncle is married to an English woman - convert and has 2 beautiful children with her. The marriage was perfect and everything was rosey for 8 years. One day he came back from work, all he found was two boxes, the house was all empty. He rang the police and though his wife and children were kidnapped only later to find out that she left him with no excuse at all. The guy was very heart broken even though he is a very religious person. We have advised him to go back home and get a good Algerian wife, maybe it can ease the pain a little.

I never understood how one day you can just wake up and you fall out of love with a partner you've shared your life with for 8 years and have kids together.


Something similar happened to my friend's uncle; he was married to this lady with their kids; and suddenly one day she just pack and leave with her kids along....he married another one and guess wat The exact same thing happened; I'm not sure here of their religious background so I will just pause here.....