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How men should be

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#1
writersfreedom

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:salaam:



Everyone is always talking about how women should be, and what should women do and say etc.. but no one ever talks abt how men should behave!

I have many students and 80% of my students are guys so I've seen how most men act nowadays. Most of my male students are between the ages of 23 and 38 and to be honest after seeing how they behave am not surprised we have a divorce crisis since most guys are not marriage material!

Seriously men of our generation are not the best example of how men should be.



Many of them are extremely childish, selfish, lazy , arrogant, unfaithful and not practicing Muslims. [There are few good ones of course, but they're as rare as good women are in our time]


Ever since I was young, I always had two male role models who represented how real men should be like. My father and my aunt's husband [who is also like a father to me]


I think men should be kind, gentle and nice, They should care more abt their families. They should have a strong relationship with Allah (swt) and a better understand of Deen. Not to be loose or too extreme, somewhere in the middle. Respect women starting with their mother. Honest, Generous and caring. Loyal and loving. And I think men should be more tolerant and understanding, they should support their wives and not just assume that they're only job is to make money for the family. Cuz women don't need a husband for the money, we can just have our own job and make money, women need a husband for so many reasons and none of which have anything to do with money or objects but more with emotional support, companionship, attention, romance, guidance and so on.


How do you guys think men should be like?

And why are the men of this generation behaving so badly?



~~~ Peace out ~~~


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#2
ℓυℓυ

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There's no such thing as "HOW A MAN SHOULD BE" because "al-usra" revolves around the woman herself.
The man rabato yemah mashi babah. w babah traba 3la yed mra : ) If a woman had good qualities, her son will get those qualities too. If she wasn't good at bringing up kids she'll have a problem finding a wife for him.
Everyone talks about how women should be because if the woman was how she should be, the society wouldn't have trouble. If she was "m3awja" the society will follow that path.
Yes, men should be kind and they ARE. They should listen and they DO. They should care about their families and they DO. Men who don't do that were not brought up properly and people only blame his mother, as guess what, his mother is a WOMAN!!!
A woman has to know how to win her man. In Algeria we say "darto khatem fi sba3ha" not the opposite.
Women need men "not for money" and this is el-fitra. A man needs a women too, not for her money but as u said for everything else. That's why it is known internationally as a "love relationship" and not a "business contract" : )
I'm sure everyone knows this but there's nothing wrong with reading things again :
أي بنيه انك فارقت بيتك الذي منه خرجت ، وعشك الذي فيه درجت إلى وكر لم تعرفيه ، وقرين لم تألفيه فكوني له أمة يكن لكي عبدا واصحبيه بالقناعة ، وعاشريه بحسن السمع والطاعة ولا تعصي له أمرا ، ولا تفشي له سرا ، وكوني أشد الناس له إعظاما .
واعلمي أنك لا تصلين إلى ما تحبين حتى تؤثري رضاه على رضاك وهواه على هواك " .
فالرضا بالقناعة وحسن السمع له بالطاعة والتفقد لمواقع عينه وأنفه فلا تقع عينه منك على قبيح ولا يشم أنفه منك إلا أطيب الريح والاجترار لماله و حشمه وعياله .
فلا تعصي له أمرا ولا تفشي له سرا فإنك إن خالفت أمره أوغرت صدره وإن أفشيت سره لم تأمني غدره.
إياك والفرح بين يديه إذا كان محزونا والحزن بين يديه إذا كان فرحا....

A man can be anything he wants and the woman has the power to change him. If she didn't know how to, too bad, tsbar... : )
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#3
- Mohammed

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The original post reminded me of when I was younger we use to compare our dads and say outrageous things.. oh my father can play the piano with one hand behind his back .. thats nothing my father can play two pianos at the same time blindfolded... and so on :laughing:

The man rabato yemah mashi babah. w babah traba 3la yed mra : ) If a woman had good qualities, her son will get those qualities too. If she wasn't good at bringing up kids she'll have a problem finding a wife for him.


Anyway I think all the points raised are fair. I would say that the mothers job in raising the child is very important, particularly in the early stages of their lives, and it continues to be. However I would also say as the child reaches late teens/adult hood, a male role model becomes more important, or, influential to the child. Many kids go off the rails because of a lack of a male rolemodel, typically the father, despite having a decent mother with good qualities..

In terms of the qualities that a man should have, or impart to his son/s, well they are endless. Probably the most important I would think of are: honesty, good work ethic, resilience, sensitivity, reason, responsibility.

With regards to divorce crisis and this generation of men and women being bad, I think the main factor behind this is lack of deen and secondly a hunger for money, which has made the environment around us quite poisonous. I think that not too long ago when religion was more prevalent in society men and women were more well behaved.

There is also nowadays, particularly in the west, the idea that kids should be kids and not have their childhood taken away from them. This has become so bad that at the age of 20 the young man still acts irresponsibly/childish. Every couple of years there is talk of the need to bring back compulsory army service as a solution to straighten out the young men...

ps: This reply is all over the place because the question is rather open-ended
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#4
writersfreedom

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:salaam:

There's no such thing as "HOW A MAN SHOULD BE" because "al-usra" revolves around the woman herself.
The man rabato yemah mashi babah. w babah traba 3la yed mra : ) If a woman had good qualities, her son will get those qualities too. If she wasn't good at bringing up kids she'll have a problem finding a wife for him.
Everyone talks about how women should be because if the woman was how she should be, the society wouldn't have trouble. If she was "m3awja" the society will follow that path.
Yes, men should be kind and they ARE. They should listen and they DO. They should care about their families and they DO. Men who don't do that were not brought up properly and people only blame his mother, as guess what, his mother is a WOMAN!!!
A woman has to know how to win her man. In Algeria we say "darto khatem fi sba3ha" not the opposite.
Women need men "not for money" and this is el-fitra. A man needs a women too, not for her money but as u said for everything else. That's why it is known internationally as a "love relationship" and not a "business contract" : )
I'm sure everyone knows this but there's nothing wrong with reading things again :
أي بنيه انك فارقت بيتك الذي منه خرجت ، وعشك الذي فيه درجت إلى وكر لم تعرفيه ، وقرين لم تألفيه فكوني له أمة يكن لكي عبدا واصحبيه بالقناعة ، وعاشريه بحسن السمع والطاعة ولا تعصي له أمرا ، ولا تفشي له سرا ، وكوني أشد الناس له إعظاما .
واعلمي أنك لا تصلين إلى ما تحبين حتى تؤثري رضاه على رضاك وهواه على هواك " .
فالرضا بالقناعة وحسن السمع له بالطاعة والتفقد لمواقع عينه وأنفه فلا تقع عينه منك على قبيح ولا يشم أنفه منك إلا أطيب الريح والاجترار لماله و حشمه وعياله .
فلا تعصي له أمرا ولا تفشي له سرا فإنك إن خالفت أمره أوغرت صدره وإن أفشيت سره لم تأمني غدره.
إياك والفرح بين يديه إذا كان محزونا والحزن بين يديه إذا كان فرحا....

A man can be anything he wants and the woman has the power to change him. If she didn't know how to, too bad, tsbar... : )




wow, typical always blame the woman for everything, even for how the man is! malla why the man has qawama Khawlla if the woman is the one who controls him and decides how he should be and houwa la 7awlla lahu wa laa quwa, just a puppet according to how u put it ? Since you think that there is no such thing as how men should be malla all the Hadiths and ayaat of Quran about how a good man [or good woman] should be like are for what exactly? And the Arabic text u put, is not hadith or Quran so we can take it or leave it, its only an opinion not bulletproof.

IT'S funny, how when anyone posts a topic about how women should be [and there are millions of topics abt that], everyone has a say but when the question is abt men, either no one says anything or those who do are just trying to make it look like oh no its not his fault, ya his mother ya his wife........ *sigh*

Arab countries will always be living in 3aser al jahiliya [dark ages b4 the prophet's time] until they learn to understand Islam better.

[All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects] and in that Hadith the prophet did not only mention the woman, he also mentioned the man as being responsible.


@ Muhammed,

With regards to divorce crisis and this generation of men and women being bad, I think the main factor behind this is lack of deen and secondly a hunger for money, which has made the environment around us quite poisonous. I think that not too long ago when religion was more prevalent in society men and women were more well behaved.




I agree.


@ kids should be kids, I see nothing wrong with letting children enjoy their childhood but 20 years old is not a child. And you know what i noticed around here is that they do give so many excuses for men to misbehave and try to say he's young, even if he's 30! Society needs to stop babying men!


~~~ Peace out ~~~


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#5
Nouredine

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salam ,

no one just ignore the main woman role in all this but as we said in Arabic " فاقد الشيء لا يعطيه " how a woman can raise & create the new generations without having a basic on that , so How can she tell her daughter or son how the man should be without her knowing how the man should be or at least have an example of that usually her father + her husband .

the man can easily transfer his own characters to his kids via his wife of course because in main cases he will be the ideal example , so if he will a bad one the woman can't change anything in that , because in a certain period the kids will try to imitate their father , in everything he will do .

as conclusion , the man is responsible for his own because the woman can't give him everything , & we can see many differences between the brothers , we can find best example as we can find the bad one even they are from the same mother ,

As the women are responsible , the men also are , every one from their part but all share this together , asslan God created us to collaborate & He never mentioned the male without the female , so they are both in everything, this is life , & like this God ktab 3lina , not the humans who tell what to do or not .

inchallah khir wrabi yahdina , & thanks for the topic WF I like it smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />
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#6
writersfreedom

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:salaam:


salam ,

no one just ignore the main woman role in all this but as we said in Arabic " فاقد الشيء لا يعطيه " how a woman can raise & create the new generations without having a basic on that , so How can she tell her daughter or son how the man should be without her knowing how the man should be or at least have an example of that usually her father + her husband .

the man can easily transfer his own characters to his kids via his wife of course because in main cases he will be the ideal example , so if he will a bad one the woman can't change anything in that , because in a certain period the kids will try to imitate their father , in everything he will do .

as conclusion , the man is responsible for his own because the woman can't give him everything , & we can see many differences between the brothers , we can find best example as we can find the bad one even they are from the same mother ,

As the women are responsible , the men also are , every one from their part but all share this together , asslan God created us to collaborate & He never mentioned the male without the female , so they are both in everything, this is life , & like this God ktab 3lina , not the humans who tell what to do or not .

inchallah khir wrabi yahdina , & thanks for the topic WF I like it smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />




I could not agree more, Thank you for making excellent points!


~~~ Peace out ~~~



#7
Fatony

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I am a believer of Circles in life " not circle of life.
Every member of the family should have a circle in which they walk. No two circles should over lap and if they do then issues arise.
Allah swt has given each member responsibilities and each one has to abide by them. A man is the head of the family, the breadwinner, the person who ensures everything is running smoothly and censors everything that goes in or out.

The wife has her circle which includes her responsibilities towards the household. She is responsible for looking after the house, the kids, and reports to the head on how things are on the inside.

We see today that some roles have reversed and thus we started to see a broken and fragile society. The woman started to work, and the man is the one who stays behind and "reports". The law of man can never prevail over the laws of Allah swt.

Therefore, kids are not being brought-up well at all or by the maid. The father finds excuses to run away from his responsibilities and the wife/mother? I am not sure where her career will take her if she looses her family.

I have not gone into detail how a man should be, but there are plenty of Ahadith and Verses which clarify this.

Knowing the conservative mentality that I have. I still think women should not be allowed to drive on their own, or own a mobile phone. These 2 things have destroyed our muslim values.

WF maybe you can help me, I am looking to open a facebook group called: Bring Back the Hayek... Can you assist?

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#8
writersfreedom

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:salaam:

Am pretty sure the title is VERY clear that its about Men NOT how can we oppress women! @ not allowed to drive or have a mobile phone, I cant even dignify what you said with an answer since its extremely sexist and has nothing to do with Islamic values, Allah (swt) gave women all their rights and gave them freedom and the ability to make their own choices and no human on this earth could possibly take away what God has given as you said :

''The law of man can never prevail over the laws of Allah swt. ''


I see that those who live in Khalij have been properly brainwashed lol.


@ facebook group, I closed my facebook account a while ago and also am not a fan of Hayek since women who wear it, dnt even wear Khimar so its not Hijab shar3i. But good luck with that.



~~~ Peace out ~~~


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#9
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I think a man should be a Man with all the meaning of this word ,because not any one who carries the chromosome Y can call himself a man , manhood means all the noble qualities that should exist in a man like ;strong personnality, courage,standing for principles,honesty,having a strong relationship with Allah (the religious side is very important),honor,being able to express his feelings,kindness,generosity,tolerance,clarity,fidelity,good manners (not being talkative :yes: ...),if someone has all this qualities he deserves the title of a MAN.
most women like also the elegance and the romance in a man,it depends on the woman herself.
thank's for the topic. smile
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