A man took his dog to the vet and the vet examined it and said, "Sorry sir your dog is dead". The man asked for a second opinion so the vet brought a cat into the examination room that sniffed the dog but the dog didn't respond. The vet says again, "I'm sorry sir but your dog is dead". The man asks for a third opinion so the vet brings a Labrador retriever into the examination room. The Labrador retriever sniffs the dog and again there was no response from the man's dog. Reluctantly the man accepts that his dog has died and goes to the receptionist. The receptionist hands him a bill for 10,000DA. "Good grief what's this for?", asks the man. "Well", says the receptionist, "it's 1000DA for the examination, 4000DA for the cat-scan and 5000DA for the Lab report".
Posted 28 December 2012 - 11:31 AM
Come on now. I invite anybody to post a good joke here.
Two shepherds were leaning on their staffs at the end of a long day to take a rest. The first shepherd asks the second,"How's it going?" The second shepherd sighed and shook his head. He replied, "Not good. I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my children don't respect me and my wife is leaving me." The first shepherd replies, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
- writersfreedom and Lilia like this
Posted 31 December 2012 - 12:32 PM
I want to know why firemen keep harvesting my cat tree.
- writersfreedom likes this
Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:52 PM
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool... bob...
- writersfreedom likes this
Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:34 PM
LOL! You guys are funny!!!
~~~ Peace out ~~~
Posted 01 February 2013 - 11:43 AM
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mum enjoyed listening to recitation of the Qur’an? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Qur’an. It took a brother 11 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the surah and ayah, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mum sent a letter to each son. "Mourad," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I’m tired because I have to clean the whole house."
"Faruq," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Daoud," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
- writersfreedom likes this
Posted 01 February 2013 - 09:08 PM
LOL! @ poor parrot lol.
Well here's mine
An Algerian couple went to London for their honeymoon, but both did not speak good English yet. One day the man heard his wife screaming "Far!!!! Faaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!!!" [mouse in Darja] So he went to help her and called room service.
Algerian husband : Hello , help!
Room Service: How can we help you sir?
Algerian husband: you know Tom & Jerry?
Room Service: Yes.
Algerian husband: JERRY IS HERE!
~~~ Peace out ~~~
- Abu Daoud likes this
Posted 20 September 2013 - 11:37 AM
While I was walking past a Psychiatric Hospital one day, I could hear the patients shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13. My curiosity got the better of me, but the walls were too tall to see over. I kept looking for somewhere to look and see what was going on while all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, 13. Finally, I found a hole in the wall, so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!!!
Posted 20 September 2013 - 12:01 PM
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over. The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.
They glared at each other, but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'
- Ozzy likes this
Posted 13 December 2013 - 11:16 AM
What can the Jews do to raise the IQ in the occupied areas?
Let the Palestinians return.
Posted 13 December 2013 - 11:18 AM
Posted 13 December 2013 - 01:25 PM
Another Parrot joke:
As a man takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a water...NOW!"
The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a bottle of water for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.
As the man points this out, the parrot drinks the bottle of water and screams: "Get me another water or I'll really create a scene!"
Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another bottle of water, but still no coffee.
Irritated at her , the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a tea party!"
The next moment, both the man and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two security guards.
Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You're pretty brave for a guy who can't fly!"
- γΝγΟ - Mohammed likes this
Posted 25 December 2013 - 02:53 PM
lol..... heres an old one what do you call a man with a spade? .. doug.
Posted 29 January 2014 - 04:03 PM
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Posted 08 March 2014 - 09:24 AM
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and an old man were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble and, in spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute and yelled to the passengers that they better jump, and he himself bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.
The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The old man looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”
The little boy handed the parachute back to the old man and said, “No problem my brother. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack.”
Posted 20 March 2014 - 05:02 AM
Posted 28 September 2014 - 07:20 AM
And now for a few elephant jokes!
Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
A: An irrelephant.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
- •eve• likes this
Posted 31 January 2015 - 05:38 PM
A woman received a call that her daughter was sick.
She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger laying on the ground.
She looked at it and said to herself: "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send help.
Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag, got off of his bike and asked if he could help.
She said, "Yes, please. I've locked my keys in my car, but I must get home to my daughter who needs this medicine that I just bought for her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said: "Sure" and in less than a minute the car was open.
With tears in her eyes she said, "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday. I was in for car theft."
The woman thanked the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"